Parenting is chaotic and hard. It’s a little bit of experience mixed with a little bit of winging it, hoping for the best, and feeling certain you are messing it up… AND THAT’S OK!
In this blog, we are taking a fun, lighthearted and truth-filled journey through the ABCs of parenting.
Want to make sure you record and remember this wild ride? Check out these journals!
A- Anything can happen. Lego up the nose? Yep, it can happen. Ready to head out the door and smell the disaster in your toddler’s diaper? Yep, it can happen. I’ve learned that I need to work on holding plans and expectations with a loose grip. Be prepared for anything and recognize that this is NORMAL.
B- Behavior is taught AND caught. We must teach our children to say please and thank you, but we must also model it. Have you ever heard your child say an exact phrase that you KNOW has come out of your mouth… and maybe you cringe a little because it is not something you were trying to TEACH your child? Model the behaviors you want your kids to learn. I’ve said this before, but they are always watching. They are always listening. They will pick up what you’re putting down.
C- Car rides save us. When they were babies, sometimes it was the only way to nap. Sometimes, it’s the only reprieve I can get from people touching me. Sometimes, it’s just nice to pile in the car, listen to music and enjoy the scenery. We love car rides in our family.
D- Differently. Be willing to parent differently than culture tells you that you should parent. What works for one family may not work for another, and that’s ok. Be willing to do counter-cultural things. A great example is cell phones and social media. Our 15-year-old doesn’t have Snapchat, Instagram, or Facebook, and our nearly 13-year-old doesn’t even have a phone!
E- Everything is figure-out-able. Everything! No matter what is happening in your life or your kid’s life, it can be figured out.
F- Flexibility. Referring back to A—a rigid schedule is my comfort zone, but 4 kids ranging from 18 months to 15 years force me to be flexible in MANY ways. Sometimes, I have to snuggle a baby instead of getting work done in the afternoon. Sometimes we don’t leave on time. Sometimes, I don’t feel like making the dinner I had planned. The point is it’s ok to be flexible and adjust to what the situation needs.
G- Gratitude. The days are long and exhausting. But find small things to be grateful for each and every day. The baby climbed out of the crib? But she didn’t fall—I am grateful. The toddlers didn’t nap, but they played together in their room while I got the bathroom cleaned—I am grateful. My teen is annoyed that I ask her what she’s excited about every day, but sometimes she spends an hour sharing all the juicy details of her life—I am grateful. My daughter is like a tornado… leaving a path of destruction everywhere she goes, but she spent time making me a card—I am grateful.
H- Happiness. Your kids’ happiness is actually not your responsibility, but you can cultivate a happy environment in your home. And even if you yell sometimes, discipline them or sit around (and they’re bored)—happiness can still be the underlying tone in your home.
I- Intentional. In a digital world, we have to be very intentional about our time together. We have to be very intentional about our devices and how much time we spend on them. We have to be intentional about focusing on quality time together. There will be MANY things that you will have to be intentional about… and will likely vary from house to house, even parent to parent in the same house sometimes.
J- Jesus. Be the love and light of Jesus. Teach your kids about who He is and what it means to follow Him. In our house, we believe we are nothing without Him, and our faith has carried us through many difficult seasons. We don’t always get it right—we are sinful humans, which is WHY we need Jesus—but we try every day to be a little more like Jesus.
K- Kindness. Use kind words. Be kind to those in your family. We so often are the worst to those we are the closest to. I think it’s because we know they will love us no matter what, but shouldn’t we treat them with more kindness and appreciation than anyone else? They CHOOSE to love us every single day. Outside of the home, we strive to show kindness to everyone we meet, and this is so important as we are walking through a world of diversity where so many people are different than us.
L- Learning. You are learning, and they are always learning; take the time to teach them. Every time your oldest child has a birthday, you are experiencing parenting that age kid for the very first time. You will mess up. But learn from it. Learn about your kids. Learn what they like and what they don’t. And they are always learning too, take time to teach them how to use manners and how to order their food at a restaurant. Teach them how to clean the toilet. They want to learn from you.
M- Manners. In our house, manners are a priority. We will always say please and thank you and excuse me. And we expect that our children will be well-mannered and respectful both inside and outside of our house—even when we aren’t present.
N- No. Sometimes, the answer is no. If it doesn’t align with your family’s values, beliefs, or even desires, it’s ok to say no. I think the key for us is to explain why. Kids need to understand why they are told no, so we try to take the time to reevaluate and help them understand. No may cause them to be angry in the moment, but eventually—hopefully—they will be grateful for your nos.
O- Offer encouragement. Encouraging your kids is important to help them grow as people and in their confidence in who they are and their abilities. When they are sad—encourage them. When they are frustrated—encourage them. When they are happy—encourage them.
P- Personalities. Oh, their personalities come in all shapes and sizes. And you’ll start to see these develop early on. I encourage you to embrace each individual personality. Help them thrive in their personality, and don’t shame them for their unique quirkiness.
Q- Questions. SO many questions. We are definitely in the “why” stage with the toddlers. And it is beautiful to see their minds develop and grow in their understanding of the world. I know it can get frustrating after the 37 “why” for the day, but try not to stifle their curiosity—dive into the wonder with them, allowing yourself to see the world through their eyes, if even for just a moment.
R- Routines. Ok… So I already said you should be flexible, BUT there IS value in routines. I believe that kids crave routines. Even as infants, they learn to anticipate what’s next. After a bath, they get lotion, a bottle, a snuggle and go to sleep. A bedtime routine will be your saving grace when everyone in your house is exhausted from those early parenting days. But I believe even as they grow and become toddlers and elementary kids and then teens that, routines make a safe space for them. Just don’t forget to allow for some flexibility.
S- Say sorry. Apologize. Always. Always be willing to admit you were wrong and get into the habit of apologizing to your kids. This teaches them how to apologize and forgive.
T- Time is constantly slipping away. Cherish it—even through the hard. Time is not a renewable resource. You will never ever get this time back. Your kids will never ever be this age again. I try really hard to place the most value on time above all else (i.e., money, things, etc). House needs cleaned? Laundry needs done? If it can wait, let it! At the end of your life or when your kids move out, do you want to think about the TIME spent together or how well-kept your house was? As for me, I will always choose time together.
U- Understanding. There are so many changes and developmental stages in life. We have to go into each one with an open mind and without expecting to know what it will be like. Even from kid to kid, it will be different. Showing them that you understand where they are coming from, showing them grace and walking with them in patience is trying sometimes, but I think it’s important to put effort into it. After all, most of us desire people to understand us, give us grace and be patient with us.
V- Vulnerability. This one goes both ways. Open up to your kids, share your experiences, even the tough ones or the ones you aren’t proud of. Show them that it’s ok to make mistakes and that there is no shame in sharing them. And create a safe environment where your kids can be vulnerable with you.
W- Weird. Teens are weird… I am convinced each generation has the most bizarre trends and definitions of what’s in. If you are a parent of a teen, you know I’m not cappin’ when I share this fact. I am also certain that my parents thought the same thing when I was a teen. But in their weirdness, they are learning so much about who they are and the types of people they want to be. Love them through every minute of it.
X- X-rays. You have kids… at least one of them will need an x-ray at some point. BUT from a person who spent 18 years working in radiology, you don’t HAVE to say yes to the x-ray, and you should ALWAYS make sure the technologist shields your child’s reproductive organs.
Y- Yes. Sometimes, you will say yes. AND they will be ecstatic about it! I love to say yes. And I lean toward yes unless it goes against our beliefs, it’s unsafe or we don’t have the means to say yes.
Z- Zeal. Be dedicated, energetic and eager in your parenting journey. You were designed to be the exact parent to these exact children. Be excited about it. Even when it is hard, know that you were made for this, and you will survive it!
The point is parenting is hard and rewarding at the same time. You are raising human beings, and that is BEAUTIFUL! There will be struggles and tears, but there will be joy and memories. Embrace it.
This list certainly is NOT inclusive, and I am sure there are some better words I could have used. I would love to hear some of yours! Share in the comments your top ABCs of parenting!
After all that, you may need some quiet time. Check out how I use Bible time to fill me daily.
