Do you remember when you envisioned what kind of parent you would be? You would have perfectly matched clothes, wiped faces… you would always use a calm voice and be patient. You would be the fun parent, the gentle parent, the happy parent… the whatever, whatever parent…
I had a conversation with a friend when I was struggling recently, and she told me she always thought people who had wild children or struggled in parenting just needed to be more strict and get a handle on their kids… then she had the one who tested every limit and every boundary.
The truth is parenting is hard. No matter how you slice it or what kind of parent you strive to be– IT IS HARD. Every season brings new challenges and new hard.
But isn’t it so beautiful? How wild is it that something we view as challenging is still one of the best things we get to do in this life?
In this blog, I’ll share 5 things I’ve learned from parenting toddlers.
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1. The flexible plan is the plan
I am a uber-structured person. Like, don’t mess with my routine or my schedule. I do what I do when I do it for a reason, and I like it that way.
I’m not sure why I thought I could carry that into parenting, but I am convinced that kids crave and need structure. However, when you have tiny humans that don’t have the ability to manage their emotions or body functions (“yes… I did poop after you put my coat and shoes on”😂 ), all bets are off.
When you have toddlers, learning to roll with the punches and plan (see what I did there to satisfy my Enneagram 1 style) for the unexpected makes everyone happier.
Here’s an example: I’ve been trying to do “school” with my 3-year-old since the big kids went back in August. He is interested some days and couldn’t care less other days. Instead of being frustrated that he’s not doing what I want, we switch gears and play– which is also super important for his age.
2. ALWAYS give yourself extra time
I have always been an early person. Early to rise and early to get out the door. When you have kids in tow, you can still get out the door early… but you have to bake in the extra time you will inevitably need.
I always tell my kids we are leaving 15-30 minutes before I actually want to leave. If they are ready, fabulous– we are out the door and have time to spare. If one of them has a meltdown and we are now leaving on time, great– we will still be on time.
Of course, this doesn’t always work. Things happen, the unexpected occurs, and most of the time, others understand the balancing act it takes to get everyone out the door.
3. Let them do it themselves
Such an essential part of learning and development is the skill to be independent. This is where having that extra time and being flexible comes in clutch in a practical way.
Your toddler is like a sponge learning everything– the good, the bad, and the ugly. So when my son says he wants to put his socks and shoes on himself– I let him. When he wants to get his own breakfast– I let him. When he wants to make a peanut butter “decker” sandwich– with 3 extra pieces of bread– I let him.
Kids need to learn to do things themselves, and when they are little, we have the pleasure of teaching and standing back to let them use their minds to figure it out. And it is beautiful.
4. Repeat, repeat, repeat
A great teaching strategy is repetition. Your little ones will love and expect the routine, and they will pick up on what they need to do and learn.
From repeating Llama Llama Red Pajama every night, both toddlers can recite the entire story by heart. That’s a silly example, but I was shocked the first time they told ME the story.
Repetition helps littles with vocabulary development, speech development, motor skills (think stacking blocks), concept mastery, social skills, consistent behavior, and independence.
5. Every kid is different
Being a mama of 4, this one is hard. When you learn to parent your first child, everything is new; you have no experience and are figuring it out as you go. It’s natural to expect the next child to hit the same milestones, have the same temperament, etc.
But that is simply not true. Every child is different and will learn, grow, and develop at their own pace. I often say, “I don’t know– the girls never did this.” Our toddlers have a very different demeanor than the big kids did at that age.
The big kids slept well, always. The toddlers do not. The big kids were potty trained before they were 2, my 3-year-old is not. The point is what you experience with one kid may not be the experience with others. As unique as they are, your parenting needs to follow suit.
Parenting is so beautiful. Parenting is so hard. What I know for sure is that each day is different, and each day, they are learning, and each day, I have the opportunity to learn and grow as a mama.
Now that you’ve seen the lessons I’ve learned from parenting toddlers check out my quirky take on parenting in the beautiful chaos from A to Z.
